I recently completed a Facebook quiz to find out which deity I would be and it turns out I’d make a great Allah. I don’t like to waste my potential so I signed up for the first available spot on a job shadowing program – you wouldn’t believe this guy’s workload.
In the morning we had to test drive and deliver 35 Paradise virgins to suicide bombers. From there we went straight into a two hour session of fruit and veg signings. Do you have any idea how hard it is to write your name on a Zucchini with a fountain pen?
It’s no wonder he’s so behind schedule with smiting the American infidels – I can tell you I’m bushed.
In fact I was so worn out I barely had the energy left to troll the news for your amusement – luckily I stumbled across these two interesting and vaguely related pieces without too much effort:
It would seem that in the overwhelming gloominess that is the economic downturn (I refuse to say climate and recession anymore) even Big Brother is feeling the pinch.
Anyone who has been to the UK will tell you the place is literally bristling with security cameras. They now have somewhere in the region of 4 million of the things deployed, but the system is proving to be something of a white elephant.
Claims of Hollywoodesque number plate tracking capabilities have fallen flat in the face of real world practicality and the police force say they simply don’t have the manpower to cope with the overwhelming amount of footage even for evidence garnering – let alone real time monitoring.
I can attest to their general inefficiency with a personal anecdote. A friend of mine in London was recently the victim of a hit and run in front of witnesses who took down the license plate number and it took the Police a staggering two weeks to trace the perp.
Meanwhile for those of you labouring under the impression that GPS comes from a breathy woman with a map trapped inside your mobile phone, the service is actually provided by a network of satellites maintained by the US government.
Or not as it would seem.
Apparently satellites are about to start dropping out of the sky if the US Air force are to be believed. New launches are over budget and behind schedule and the system is in danger of falling below the minimum number of satellites required to maintain current accuracy standards.
Could this be a bit of smoke and mirrors to facilitate a downgrade of civilian GPS capabilities? Something they’ve been itching to do since they realized the Taliban were all running around with Smartphones.
That’s it for now, but I shan’t leave without the punch line – this post has in fact been cunningly seeded with enough keywords to send our friends at Echelon into a drone missile launching frenzy, so to everyone reading this, know that you have done your bit to help overburden the surveillance systems.
I expect when they get around to reading this in a year, or so I’ll be in big trouble.
In the mean time:
It’s up to you, New York, New Yoooork! Thank you good night and Happy Birthday Mr President.
