Life is a strange business, with few guarantees.
“Is this your daddy?”
One of the things you can rely on life to do is give you parents. One mother, one father sperm and eggs – it’s a time honoured recipe for keeping the planet full and if that’s not how you got here I probably need to increase my dosage again.
One of the things you can’t rely on is what your parents are actually going to do with you when you arrive.
Some of them will buy you bicycles, some of them will buy you cars, some of them will get drunk and run over your bicycle with their cars.
Some of them will try to do this while you’re still on the bicycle, pedalling hell for leather. If this happens the key thing to remember is that you can’t outrun him so avoid any long straights that will allow him to accelerate. Try to keep obstacles between yourself and the vehicle until you can find a good spot to ditch the bike and get away on foot.
If you’re harbouring memories of a more idyllic childhood than this then spare a thought for Deborah Perez, who reminisces fondly of the tender moments shared with her old man, Guy Ward Hendrickson. Debbie and Guy would spend hours together writing taunting notes to the San Francisco PD, lovingly embroidering Zodiac symbols on his favourite hood and occasionally if the mood took him they would go for a Sunday afternoon drive and a stop off for a quick double homicide at the golf course. Debbie’s father was of course none other than the infamous Zodiac Killer, who terrorized the San Francisco area during the late 60’s and early 70’s.
The Zodiac was never caught and the identity of the killer remains a mystery to this day, as was recently dramatized in a very long motion picture in which Robert Downey Jr. got to take drugs in character.
Perez, who’s childhood traumas have been raked to the surface by the crash of the US property market, has been trying to work through her issues by holding a press conference and is shooting a documentary about her life in an effort to reach closure and begin the healing process. Her lawyer and confidant, Kevin McLean assures us that "Everyone is going to say she is crazy, but we had psychologists examine Ms. Perez," As if we would think such a thing.
Perez has also produced some hard evidence to support her claim, namely some of the letters she helped write and the glasses of Paul Stine, a cab driver who was killed by the Zodiac in 
1969.
Deborah’s biggest problem however is that Dennis Kaufman, also claims his stepfather, Jack Tarrance is the real Zodiac Killer and he can prove it for just $9-99. What’s more Dennis has 16 rolls of extremely old film which have been lovingly restored by an actual university professor and fellow Zodiac enthusiast on which you can almost maybe definitely see people shapes and man lying down with a tattoo! Dennis has also uncovered a knife which Jack may have used for barbeque, or murder (hmm saucy) and just recently found a Zodiac hood complete with symbol and eyeholes hidden in the back of an old speaker.
So can anyone tell me – does knife trump glasses?
