If the Soviet propaganda machine had turned it’s thoughts to such frivolities as creating arcade games they would probably have come out looking this:

This really requires no further explanation, just click on the image and watch this stylish little flash production.

The heavily sequined show is the birthplace of European pop cheese and has a traditional following in the gay community, with the inclusion of Graham Norton as this year’s British commentator firmly securing it’s status as a high point on the ‘camp calendar’.

It’s not completely clear if this is something that was taken into account by this year’s Russian hosts who dropped a considerably large sum of dosh into the event with the hopes that it would improve their image in the international community.

If it was part of their plan, they certainly didn’t get the buy in of Yuri Luzhkov, the mayor of Moscow, who must have been frothing at the thought of the satanic gay hordes of Europe descending on his manly city.

Mother Russia, to be fair, does not have a history of tolerance for anything (except large amounts of neat Vodka and cigarettes made of pure tar). Homosexuality was outlawed under the Bolshies and firmly labelled as a ‘western decadence’ – A good Comrade is a straight Comrade apparently. With the deconstruction of the Communist doctrine , rather than undergoing the mass liberalisation some might have expected, Russian society has almost reset itself to 1917 with the Orthodox Church heavily influencing government policy on civil liberties.

It’s no surprise then, that when a few very brave members of Slavic Pride and some very silly western gay rights activists took to the streets in an unauthorised protest on the day of the contest Yuri wasted no time in knocking back a dozen vodkas and then sending in the riot squad to remove them with extreme prejudice.

Peter Tatchell, a veteran activist and one of the people arrested complained of having his arm twisted behind his back, quite honestly he got off lightly considering the fact that a year or so back when he was involved in a similar incident the Russian police tied their shoelaces for a bit while some skinheads gave him a right kicking.

It’s not that I don’t sympathize with the cause, but for the most part the Russian gay community themselves aren’t all that keen on parading it out in the street so why as liberated westerners are we so obsessed with the need to tour the world systematically kicking in the door on social taboos in every other culture we encounter?

The contest itself went off with little incident. Russian snipers up on the balconies held their fire as the Georgian contestants nervously performed their entry entitled ‘We don’t wanna Put in’, the German entry had to be persuaded to have their ‘dancer’ keep some of her kit on during the performance and Lloyd Webber played piano for Jade Ewen – sadly without any earth tremors abruptly closing the lid and fulfilling a lifelong fantasy which I share with Roger Waters.

Top honours where taken by Norwegian fiddler Alexander Rybak with his entry entitled ‘Fairytale’. A sentence so full of innuendo I’m really having to bite it back here. 

“Why did they (the Moscow police) spend all their energy stopping gays in Moscow when the biggest gay parade was here tonight?” Rybak asked the press during a later interview.